I am who I am and that is who I want to be. I can remember a time in my life when I decided I wanted to be me. I was a teenager. One day, while at school and between classes, I headed over to the restroom. I entered the same way as I alway did to wash my hands and to touch up my hair. As I walked by the mirror, I saw someone standing there. It took me by surprise. I stopped, I turned and looked again, that person was me. It was the day that I knew, I was exactly who and how I am supposed to be.
Today, I am going to allow gratitude for myself. Yesterday I posted on a friends page. I used words that I hoped would be caring and supportive. These are those words... In order to be a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, you have to be good to yourself. You have to love yourself in order to love others. Some call this pride. I call it self worth. So here I go... the good in me.
Gratitude's~ Day 6
1. Intelligence~ When I was younger, I was very obese weighing in at 210 pounds at the ripe old age of twelve. I remember laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and thinking well, at least I am smart. I would play to my ability to get good grades. I used this to maintain a degree of self worth. Whenever, I am struggling and think I cannot make it through or just start to feel worthless, I remember that day. For this, I am grateful.
2. Stubbornness~ Yes yes yes. I am stubborn. This has got me in a good deal of trouble over the years, but it has also got me far. When I first moved to Virginia 11 years ago, I was not a gardener. Matter of fact, we used to laugh about my black thumb. Oh, how sad I was for all those poor dead plants. When we moved into base housing two years later, I heard of the Yard of the Month program. I told my husband that I was going to try to win. He laughed and suggested that I plant plastic flowers. I did not plant plastic. I did not win that year either. However, I tried, failed, and learned I loved to garden. The next year, I won Yard of the Month for having one of the prettiest yards on base. I won for 6 years in row. Three of those years I also won Yard of the Year. Now, I no longer complete. I just love plants.
3. I am a gardener~ I am a gardener. I love how those words sound, but I love the plants even more. Recently, we moved into an apartment here in beautiful Germany. I already have nine plants in my house. I have plans for having many more. Thank goodness we have balcony where I will be to create my own personal place of beauty. Plants connect me to so much more than serenity, they keep me connected to loved one who have long since passed.
4. My grandparents~ Yes, this is still about me. My grandparents shaped the way I think, feel and even love. It is not on accident that they are under my gratitude of gardening. They were gardeners too. When I pluck a weed, memories of my grandmother's sweet smile flood my mind. Should used to say, "Now be sure to get the roots." We would laugh and giggle as we were getting the roots. Perhaps this is why weeding brings me peace and joy. It connects me to one the very best woman I have ever known.
5. Memories~ I rarely remember bad memories of the people I love. My kids are sometimes surprised at this. They will ask, "Mom, do you remember when I did this or that?" Most of the time, I haven't thought about in years. Instead, I remember every sweet moment, all the things that fill our hearts with love. I do this with all the people I love in my life. If you are here with me, I think about the good in you.
6. My ability to detach~ This is a lesson that has been difficult for me to master. I suspect I will have future difficulties with it, but I will not give up on detachment. There are times in life where one must detach themselves emotionally from a source of negativity. I have done this 3 times in the last two years. I have done this once many years ago. If it cannot be fixed, then give it to God.
7. Optimistic~ While there are times I feel down, negative, or whatever, I always know that it will pass and all will be good again. This is probably something passed onto me by a terrific gift my parents gave me. When I was 7, my dad changed our lives in a way that has shaped me the rest of my life. Not sure how much I can write on public journal on this subject, but my gratitude for my mom and dad is always there. Everyday... I thank them. They are the reason I can conquer all difficulties. They taught me love without restraint. They showed me the good in this world. They taught that life is worth living and all struggles can be overcome.
8. I am mother~ I am mother. A good one too. Now notice, I did not say I am perfect mother. I have my moments where I would like to take a break for a few hours here and there. Life is not always perfect. It is okay though, because when I sit down and talk to each of my children, I am reminded that everything I do matters. The love in this house is enormous. The noise level can be too.... I am grateful for every minute I have with my children.
9 .My imagination~ I love to sit and imagine I am character out of a book. Oh to imagine the possibilities.... I love to imagine the flip side of a coin. Everyone can see things they way they are supposed to be, I like to imagine the other choice. The outcomes are often quite fun!
10. My ability to love~ I have already posted about this in a previous journal. However, I feels it bears worthiness to be posted again. I love freely. I see the good in people. I suppose this is why I am always surprised when people see bad in me. I think people see what they want to see. If you give and look for love, you will see and get love. If you look for evil, you will see evil.
This journal was a lot easier to write than I had originally imagined. At first I felt silly and even egotistical and then I allowed myself to feel what has shaped me into the person I am today. I will be able to give more to others by being good to myself which will keep us all happy. Isn't that what so many of us want in life... happiness and love?
Today, I am going to allow gratitude for myself. Yesterday I posted on a friends page. I used words that I hoped would be caring and supportive. These are those words... In order to be a good wife, a good mother, a good friend, you have to be good to yourself. You have to love yourself in order to love others. Some call this pride. I call it self worth. So here I go... the good in me.
Gratitude's~ Day 6
1. Intelligence~ When I was younger, I was very obese weighing in at 210 pounds at the ripe old age of twelve. I remember laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, and thinking well, at least I am smart. I would play to my ability to get good grades. I used this to maintain a degree of self worth. Whenever, I am struggling and think I cannot make it through or just start to feel worthless, I remember that day. For this, I am grateful.
2. Stubbornness~ Yes yes yes. I am stubborn. This has got me in a good deal of trouble over the years, but it has also got me far. When I first moved to Virginia 11 years ago, I was not a gardener. Matter of fact, we used to laugh about my black thumb. Oh, how sad I was for all those poor dead plants. When we moved into base housing two years later, I heard of the Yard of the Month program. I told my husband that I was going to try to win. He laughed and suggested that I plant plastic flowers. I did not plant plastic. I did not win that year either. However, I tried, failed, and learned I loved to garden. The next year, I won Yard of the Month for having one of the prettiest yards on base. I won for 6 years in row. Three of those years I also won Yard of the Year. Now, I no longer complete. I just love plants.
3. I am a gardener~ I am a gardener. I love how those words sound, but I love the plants even more. Recently, we moved into an apartment here in beautiful Germany. I already have nine plants in my house. I have plans for having many more. Thank goodness we have balcony where I will be to create my own personal place of beauty. Plants connect me to so much more than serenity, they keep me connected to loved one who have long since passed.
4. My grandparents~ Yes, this is still about me. My grandparents shaped the way I think, feel and even love. It is not on accident that they are under my gratitude of gardening. They were gardeners too. When I pluck a weed, memories of my grandmother's sweet smile flood my mind. Should used to say, "Now be sure to get the roots." We would laugh and giggle as we were getting the roots. Perhaps this is why weeding brings me peace and joy. It connects me to one the very best woman I have ever known.
5. Memories~ I rarely remember bad memories of the people I love. My kids are sometimes surprised at this. They will ask, "Mom, do you remember when I did this or that?" Most of the time, I haven't thought about in years. Instead, I remember every sweet moment, all the things that fill our hearts with love. I do this with all the people I love in my life. If you are here with me, I think about the good in you.
6. My ability to detach~ This is a lesson that has been difficult for me to master. I suspect I will have future difficulties with it, but I will not give up on detachment. There are times in life where one must detach themselves emotionally from a source of negativity. I have done this 3 times in the last two years. I have done this once many years ago. If it cannot be fixed, then give it to God.
7. Optimistic~ While there are times I feel down, negative, or whatever, I always know that it will pass and all will be good again. This is probably something passed onto me by a terrific gift my parents gave me. When I was 7, my dad changed our lives in a way that has shaped me the rest of my life. Not sure how much I can write on public journal on this subject, but my gratitude for my mom and dad is always there. Everyday... I thank them. They are the reason I can conquer all difficulties. They taught me love without restraint. They showed me the good in this world. They taught that life is worth living and all struggles can be overcome.
8. I am mother~ I am mother. A good one too. Now notice, I did not say I am perfect mother. I have my moments where I would like to take a break for a few hours here and there. Life is not always perfect. It is okay though, because when I sit down and talk to each of my children, I am reminded that everything I do matters. The love in this house is enormous. The noise level can be too.... I am grateful for every minute I have with my children.
9 .My imagination~ I love to sit and imagine I am character out of a book. Oh to imagine the possibilities.... I love to imagine the flip side of a coin. Everyone can see things they way they are supposed to be, I like to imagine the other choice. The outcomes are often quite fun!
10. My ability to love~ I have already posted about this in a previous journal. However, I feels it bears worthiness to be posted again. I love freely. I see the good in people. I suppose this is why I am always surprised when people see bad in me. I think people see what they want to see. If you give and look for love, you will see and get love. If you look for evil, you will see evil.
This journal was a lot easier to write than I had originally imagined. At first I felt silly and even egotistical and then I allowed myself to feel what has shaped me into the person I am today. I will be able to give more to others by being good to myself which will keep us all happy. Isn't that what so many of us want in life... happiness and love?
You always make me smile!
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