A Bit Quirky, Perhaps a Little Unique

I often look at the people I know in life and admire them for their attitudes, for their styles, and for their choices. I don't want to be them though. I like being me."   ~me


  The quote above came from a note I wrote on Facebook a while back.   It still stands true.  I do not want to be anyone other than myself.   Every once in a while I come across someone who wants to be friends, but they want  to change me into someone I am not, fitting their mold.   I have never fit any mold other than the one God gave me.  To them, I am broken.    To me, I am just fine.

   I consider myself to be a bit quirky, perhaps a little unique.   I like being creative.  Although I have never tried to create art for others, I consider myself a bit of an artist especially in the garden.  I see pictures in my mind of what the plants will look like in a few months down the road.  I can see them wisping over the edges of flowers boxes bursting in vibrant colors of fuchsia, violets, reds and even the brightest of yellows.  The border plants will creep into the crevices of sidewalks.    I remember a time in my life when I only had a few friends and my flower garden was spectacular.  It had its bumps, but it was a truly happy time in my life.  I heard the whispers.  Always knew what they were saying, but I did not really care.  I loved being outside with the flowers.  I loved gardening.  I used to imagine I was in the middle of the country and no one could see me.  My gardening helped me to escape the other worries in my life. Gardening  sets me free....

Might not have a yard right now, but at least I have a balcony.  :)

   A moment off track into a memory, but now back on track to my main point.  We are all unique individuals.  Each of us holds a special gift to be shared.    In each of my friends, I look for what makes them special, unique.   I love each of them for being who they are and not who I need them to be.   Hopefully they see me for who I am and not for who I am not.

  

I have a huge dilemma!!

  I have a huge dilemma this morning!!   Well, not really.    My dilemma is something I used to only dream about.  Now, I get to live a life that I have always wanted, one of travel.

  For the next couple of years, we are fortunate enough to live in the beautiful country of Germany.  Many countries border us. There is Luxembourg, Belgium, France, and the Netherlands just to name a few.  The choices of where to go and what to do seem limitless.  The time we have here does not seem like it could possibly fit in everything we want to do. That brings me to my dilemma.  Where are we going to go this weekend?   I have tons ideas.  That is my problem,  narrowing down my choices and picking just one.  

  Do we go to Koln or perhaps to the Alps?  Do we travel once again to a favorite spot of the North Sea in Holland or do we try something new?  Shall we go to France for the first time as a family or perhaps explore Germany even more?  These choices are lucky.  Where do we go instead of there is nothing to do.   What a dilemma!   Of course, I do say that with a big smile on my face.

  Hopefully by tomorrow, being that it is Friday and all, we will have it figured out.  I am thinking a day trip may be in order.  Somewhere close, perhaps a two hour drive or less.  I would like there to be  history, some romantic buildings and a beautiful landscape or possibly the seaside.  That describes just about everywhere in Europe!  

  Any ideas?  

"Ribbit ribbit," one friend literally croaked to another

  Time to change things up a bit.   At first, my blog was just to be a gratitude blog.  A way to simply to remind myself of what I am grateful for in life.  Now, I know that I need to write what is in my heart. It is okay to feel many different emotions from joy to sorrow, from excitements to disappointments. These range of emotions place a special spot in our lives.  Without one, there cannot be the other.

  Today I woke up feeling melancholy.  Truthfully, I do not know why.  I took a walk down memory lane feeling an overwhelming urge to be at Point of Rocks Parks in Virginia walking over the marsh lands.  I felt the desire to have my dreams that are placed secretly in my heart to be shared with some of my oldest dearest friends.   I felt the need to reconnect with my friends from the past.  Then I remembered....we are half way across the world.  Sure, I can send a note, but things are not the same today as they were twenty plus years ago.  Perhaps it will be enough to tell them how much I miss having my friends a part of my life.  I do miss them.  I miss them terribly.  Funny how I can see images of memories flash before my eyes.

  "Ribbit  ribbit," one friend literally croaked to another.  Craig, who was about 17 years old at the time, had crawled out on a fallen tree log over the water.  As he crawled back, he made himself look strangely like a frog.  We laughed and laughed that day.  I still laugh at that memory.    We should be living as neighbors now,  he with his family and I with mine.  Our kids should be running and playing together.  They should know the same level of friendship I once shared with my friend.  Sadly, that is not how things turned out.  

 It is the one thing I would change about my life.  If I could, I would one day go home.  I would go back to where I see the laughter.  So many of my friends are gone from there now, but I would still go back.  I want to walk around Point of Rocks Park again.   I want to sit and soak up the friends who are still there.  I want to hear about the happenings in their life, what makes them happy and what makes them sad.  I want to know the details.  I want to be part of their life again.  Some, I think would welcome me with open arms.  Others may push me away, but I still want to be there.  I love you my old friends....   always have and always will.    

Why us? The answer is..Thank God it is us

Why us? The answer is..Thank God it is us

by Bonnie Stanley Martinez on Friday, March 25, 2011 at 7:59am

  There are moments I get sucked into the pity mode. Why us? I know I can handle the obstacles that get thrown my way. I just don't always want too. I want to sit back and have a more normal like life. That is what I tell myself from time to time. I want a normal life. Thing is, I have a normal life. It is just different from yours and yours...

   I have no idea what it is like to wake up and not have a high functioning Austistic(PDD-NOS) 11 year old child, a sweet 9 year old girl and a 7 year old who stole my heart the day he was born(he is just slightly allergic to various things). I don't know what it is like to live in your shoes. I know most of you do not know what it is to walk in my shoes. Most days, it is wonderful.

    Hayden's mind is brilliant and sharp. When I take the time to sit and listen to him, I know he is able to process ideas that I cannot fathom on my own. I am grateful I have the ability to understand his mind when he talks. He wants to be an archaeologist when he grows up. I find I am excited about this career choice. The things he will get to see and do will be a journey well worth taking. All of our travels and his love of sociology and history have influenced his choice. I know this is achievable. I hope I get to go on some of his digs.

   My daughter has her own gifts. She is outgoing, smart, beautiful and even more talkative than I am. ahem...for those of you who know me and are laughing..YES this is possible. Julia is an artist. She writes. She draws. She creates. She is a joy. We spend hours making up stories and dreaming about the possibilities of life. She still flutters like a butterfly rather than walks. Who wants to walk when you can be a butterfly?

   Davy is my youngest. He is a sweet and a big hearted little guy. He has an amazing outlook on life. His food allergies have never held him back from living. Perhaps they push him forward. He lives life, each moment fully engaged. He takes the time to appreciate the little stuff. He is happy, smart, and very funny. Davy can make me laugh even when I have had the worst day.

   So, taking a look back at three amazing gifts we have received, I will ask myself the same question. Why us? The answer is..Thank God it is us. I am so glad that I get to live this crazy, fun, and exciting life with these three amazing little people.





      Note: I spent the morning revisiting my old blog post.  This one is my favorite.   I love my children. 

Exclusions

  Ok... so looking back at the last 11 years, my life has been very full of love.  I have three of the most amazing loving children that a mother could have.  Right now, I am going to focus my writing on Hayden.  For those of you who get tired of "hearing" about it, I invite you to not open this blog.  For those of you who read and let me know what you think either way, I thank you.  You matter to me.

  For my invisible readers, I hope to educate and help others grow.  Maybe, through our experience, both good and bad, others will benefit.  That's is something I always want to do....help others.

  I not a touchy feely lovey person.  I know that.  Once, at Virginia, I had someone call me a snob.  Thing is, I think that I do portray myself that way.  I know that was intended to hurt my feelings, but it didn't.  Mainly because I don't feel that way.  There is always someone who better than me.  On the other hand, there is always someone is who not as good.  I think that is true with everything in life from crafting to writing, from art to interpersonal skills.  We all cannot all be at the same level.  I know very beautiful people.  I have met even prettier people who are "ugly" on the outside.  Once you get to know them, they are amazing people who take your breathe away.

  I have met people who portray themselves as saints, but they are mean and sneaky, judgemental and underhanded(again this is not aimed at anyone in particular, rather a generalized statement)

  So to the reason behind my previous paragraphs....  Why does Hayden ALWAYS get excluded?   My frustration at this high right now.   Hayden is sweet, loyal, kind, smart and fun to be around, but the other kids dislike him.  We have one kid who practically lives at my house.  He is having a birthday party.  You got it.  Hayden is not invited.

  Sad thing is that I have had people who say they love me do the same thing.  They excluded him......   This excludes me too.  No,  really did not understand.  I know I said I did, but it was to cover my feelings of sadness.  I did not understand...

  It is hard to watch his eyes glass over as he tells me that they are only allowed to have so many kids at the party.  "I wasn't one of these kids mom."