As I sit here, all I can think is that I am now grandparentless. Is that even a word, grandparentless? I don't know and I am not going to bother trying to look it up. It has been years since I saw my grandmother. She was an interesting lady. My main memory of her is hearing her voice. She would say with the best southern drawl that you can imagine, "I love you Bonnie." Funny how that is all that I can hear at this moment in time. I love you too Granny. I didn't know you as well as I would have liked, but I love you too....
Yesterday morning my grandmother passed on. She lived a long life of 92 years. My dad speaks often of her. He loves her. I know he does. My dad is about as gruff as a fluffy soft teddy bear. There is not one mean bone in that mans heart. I don't know why he pretends to be cranky. Maybe he feels cranky, but he has a huge heart. I think he feels things on a deeper level than most people. Perhaps getting injured easier than others. My oldest son reminds me a lot of my dad.
I do believe I am rambling in my typing. My thoughts feel jumbled this morning. One thought I shared with my children last night is.... After someone you love dies, you learn to live a new normal. They stay a part of you. Sometimes it is just the whiff of lavendar and suddenly they are in the room with you again, even for just a moment.
I can't be with my family right now and I think that bothers me more than anything else. My father would never say he wants me there. He knows I am in Germany. I can only guess that he would say he understands as I know he does. Doesn't change the fact that I want to be there for him. I would like to stand by his side.
Yesterday morning my grandmother passed on. She lived a long life of 92 years. My dad speaks often of her. He loves her. I know he does. My dad is about as gruff as a fluffy soft teddy bear. There is not one mean bone in that mans heart. I don't know why he pretends to be cranky. Maybe he feels cranky, but he has a huge heart. I think he feels things on a deeper level than most people. Perhaps getting injured easier than others. My oldest son reminds me a lot of my dad.
I do believe I am rambling in my typing. My thoughts feel jumbled this morning. One thought I shared with my children last night is.... After someone you love dies, you learn to live a new normal. They stay a part of you. Sometimes it is just the whiff of lavendar and suddenly they are in the room with you again, even for just a moment.
I can't be with my family right now and I think that bothers me more than anything else. My father would never say he wants me there. He knows I am in Germany. I can only guess that he would say he understands as I know he does. Doesn't change the fact that I want to be there for him. I would like to stand by his side.
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